you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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