I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Randomize
