I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
