we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
You're like the curious george of whores
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize