I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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