Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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