I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize