I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
