hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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