youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize
