My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
