Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(850): View more from Florida

paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury

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(856): View more from New Jersey

i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.

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(413): View more from Massachusetts

Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck

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(919): View more from North Carolina

No period for spring break; use this wisely.

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(315): View more from New York

Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.

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(816): View more from Missouri

Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.

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(775): View more from Nevada

Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?

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(978): View more from Massachusetts

This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"

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(+44): View more from United Kingdom

Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??

(1+44): View more from

That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.

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