My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Randomize
