I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
