She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Randomize
