I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
