she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
