You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
