Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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