Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
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