fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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