I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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