how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
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