it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
They took my balls.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I am available for nakedness
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Randomize
