i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
The air taste purple.
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