How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Even my vagina gasped.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Randomize
