What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
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