Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
