i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Sober January is a disaster.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Randomize
