TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
