so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize