i barfeds in our rink
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
