Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
