You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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