i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
