She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
