I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
