i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Randomize
