Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
