Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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