HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
