I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
