I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
