She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Randomize
