dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
