u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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