Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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