why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Randomize
