do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
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