She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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