So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
the day after is always just damage control
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
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