ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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