do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
