Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
