I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
They should really pass out barf bags in church
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I'm sobbing to NWA
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
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