my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
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