So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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