i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
