thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
