My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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