What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
