He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
