i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
So many bounce houses so little time
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
