did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I have feelings that need drinking.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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