If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Jerry, you need to find god
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Randomize
