Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
