dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
