Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
