We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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