I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
