i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
