he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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