the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Why are your pants in the freezer?
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Randomize
