Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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