between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
