I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
I've blown a few things in my day
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Randomize
