The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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