remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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