I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize