If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
